My problem is that I have never been enough, in one way or another, for any one. People leave more often than they stay.
The fact that you are insisting you’re going to stay makes me laugh because that’s what everyone says, and it also terrifies the living shit out of me because part of me thinks your serious.
How the hell do I know what to do if you actually stay? Everyone leaves, and that’s what I’ve known. I know how to handle that hurt, how to pick myself back up from that. I know how to make myself feel somewhat content with life again, and I can force myself to smile and eventually forgive you for being the fucking coward you are.
But if you stay? I don’t know how to handle that. I don’t know how to trust you. I don’t know how to fully commit to you. I don’t know how to behave around you. I don’t know how to let you see all of me because when I let someone in, they leave. Every single time.
Forgive me for being confused, for being upset. Forgive me for overwhelming you with my panic. I’m just terrified.